I Can’t Breathe

“I can’t breathe.” A phrase heard around the world. A tragic phrase that has brought an issue going on for centuries to light. A phrase that is sparking movement.

Just a month ago, I was so overwhelmed with anxiety. I wasn’t happy. There was so much negativity and noise going on in my life that I needed a moment to pause, get closer to God, and refocus. I was so overwhelmed, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Here we are a month later and me feeling like I couldn’t breathe just seems so selfish. I had been worrying about the wrong things. I still have breath, I still have a future. I still have a purpose.

While the deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Amauhd Arbery aren’t new incidents blacks have been experiencing for decades, these incidences have finally made us realize we HAVE to make a change. What happened to George and the thousands of other black men and women who have died because of the color of their skin is unfair, unjust, and just plain wrong.

I’m Sorry

Before you all, I want to apologize. I’m so sorry for not speaking out sooner! I’m sorry for waiting so long for this to affect me! I’m sorry for not celebrating black my culture more. I’m sorry for taking for granted the fact that I can speak out!

I’ve been asked plenty of times if I’m mixed because I have “good hair,” lighter skin, and a good vocabulary. And even to this day, I get asked, “Why do you act white?”, “Why do you talk like that?” I’ve been teased for not being black enough. I never really had the chance to celebrate being black because I was too busy defending my upbringing. My mom wanted to make sure I had a good life and lived in a safe neighborhood. She protected me from what was really going on in the world and didn’t want her only child to have to experience racism. I went to a predominantly white private school, befriended white boys and girls and was drawn to sports like soccer and figure skating, which we know to not be dominated by POC.

Black and Proud

I have been passed over for a number of jobs, overlooked for blogging opportunities, been followed around an expensive designer store, and been talked about behind my back. But on the flip side, I have been awarded many opportunities, I have been kept safe, and I thank God that I have breath to speak out.

I am a proud black woman and I love my black brothers and sisters no matter their skin color, how they talk, where they grew up, what they look like. ALL Black Lives Matter. We have to do better. We have to stop killing innocent black people. We have to teach our children to love one another and they can be whatever they want to be in life.

We can all learn from the current climate of our society and the words, “I can’t breathe.” Thank you to everyone who has reached out, called, texted, protested, listened, cried with me about the state of our world, and remained my friend – black or white. You’ve got to be the change you want to see and that starts at home – in your heart. 🖤

**Thanks for reading; you’re F.A.Bulous!**